Friday, 19 February 2010

High Jinks #5675765765765

Right...what follows here is a fairly typical event and/or happening in the daily life of me and my clan.

I need to go to the bank. Whilst this seems straightforward let me explain that I live in a village. This village does not have a bank of its own so in order to visit a bank I have to gather up my children, jump on a bus, travel through three further villages into the next town, proceed through the town until I reach the bank. This has to be repeated in the reverse in order to get home again. My son A likes to eat so when he hears that we will be going out, he is hatching a plan of how to get something to eat out of the whole experience. Now A is not the kind of kid who will settle for a sweetie purchased at the till, he's a two course plus the possibility of a pudding kind of lad and he had heard from his Anti-Social (my sister and Aunt to my two kids) that a new Subway had opened up in the nearest town.

So it transpires that if I wanted to go to the bank, we would have to visit the brand new MSG laden Subway branch or else. "Fine with me", "whatever" I say as I change B's clothes for the third time today. When I come back from changing B, it now turns out that A has phoned my father (his Papa) and asked him if he would like to tag along. I was quite glad about this as this meant no buses and consequently no 'bus people' would be involved in this expedition. Half way through fuelling up B for the journey, my father appears with my sister (the aforementioned Anti-Social) and they announce that they would like to visit the nearby retail park in order to buy a dress for a social event. So now the plan is to visit Kinnaird park, go to the Subway there (for A) and some clothes shop (for Anti-Social) and then home. But wait, didn't I need to go to the bank?

In my haste to get two kids, my father and my sister and her iphone out of the door, I have completely forgotten all about the bank. Anti-Social abruptly announces that I've (!!) taken too long to get out of the door and that if she is to get to the pub at a early hour we now cannot go to the retail park and she must go home. After dropping her off, A then resumes plan A, to go to the dreaded Subway. As I keep B amused in the back of the car the men then decide that we should go to the local Gastropub for lunch (It's now 2:30PM) and seeing as this is better than Subway I do not argue. Once inside said Gastropub and after having hit three people with my buggy and one with my handbag, the waiter announces that our first course will be with us in 45 minutes. Exit stage left....

In a bid to stay away from Subway my Dad suggests that we go somewhere 'different' for lunch (now 3PM and B is due a feed at 4). He muses that there is a little known place only ten minutes drive away where he once had a delicious steak, nay, the BEST steak in the whole of Scotland. We did indeed drive for ten minutes until we arrived at the back of a restaurant that I've passed many times in my life time and never given a second thought. The car park was deserted but then we were now eating at a time that was nowhere near lunch time so I thought nothing more of it. When we arrived at our table (underneath a stuffed pheasant, next to some horse brasses and within spitting distance of the fag machine) I sense that all is not well. My father then announces that it's 'been a while since he was last here' and mentions the names of the people he last visited the place with at which point I've realised that 'a while' was over twenty years ago!

The staff were very friendly and the place only slightly smelled of urinal cakes so I considered the menu and chose the breaded mushrooms for nostalgia's sake and a cheese toastie to follow because (a) the first is deep-fried and so possible salmonella could be avoided and (b) because there are very few things you can do to a cheese toastie to make it unpalatable. I also ordered a coffee that came out of a machine already white. I held my breath while A ordered the prawn cocktail to start and fish and chips to follow and my Dad, a gammon steak (fried foods = happy Dad). Halfway through our meal B filled her nappy and the event was complete!

The upshot of all of this was that we took a wrong turn on the new section of the bypass and ended up in town and I got to the bank before it closed...

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