Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Good God, I hope they didn't mention the rhythm method!

Tonight I was supposed to be sitting in the pub celebrating a dear friends birthday. Tonight I was supposed to be supping the guest ale that the birthday boy had requested be on tap for tonights soiree. Tonight I was supposed to be out of the house, free of parental responsibility.

Tonight I stayed in the house giving my eldest child THE talk. A bounced in from school and announced that today had been sex education day at school. Le sigh...

I asked him what had happened, what had been discussed to which he replied I had to say penis in front of everyone, we had to fill in a worksheet labelling both male and female genitalia (or boy bits and lady parts as he said) and watch a video on how babies are made.

Oh shit! What was I going to do about this? What if he actually wanted to talk about this? What if he had questions? Holy crap I am completely unprepared for this. Bugger, his Dad isn't due home for another three hours! Could I trust him to handle this? Could i leave him to discuss this without him being all blokey about it? Or would I have to do it on my own?

Suffice to say I didn't answer a single one of these questions as I asked him if he wanted biscuits and juice and he disappeared off to his room with his stash.

Phew... I could compose myself and deal with this in my own time. Off he went to drama and that bought me a few hours before I would have to sit him down. I busied myself with dinner and Goggled a few resources. I knew that there was separate resources available on line for kids with ASD to help them understand or at least relay the information given today in a way that the autistic mind could process. I ordered a book from Amazon (my answer for everything! read a book!). I read a few articles and felt sufficiently equipped to tackle the subject when he got home.

As I digested my dinner I was filled with dread again as my mind flashed back to the day that MY mother sat me down to tell me about the birds and the bees...

Yuck! That was my first reaction. I remember that day well. My mother decided one day to enter the living room, turn off the TV, send my little sister out to play and announced that we were going to have a talk. I couldn't remember if I had done something that I was about to get in trouble for so wondered what she was doing. She began "now you're getting older and your body is changing..." she offered. Oh. My. God. She was about to talk to me about sex! Aargh!!!

I wanted the ground to swallow my up so I could disappear and not have to sit there watching as my mother desperately tried to turn this into a mother-daughter bonding moment, that we were two women discussing adult topics in a civilised manner. In reality I was picking at my trainers staring just slightly to the right of my Mother's head and she was doing her best not to look as uncomfortable as she felt. We managed to get through about two paragraphs of details before she said that sex was a beautiful thing between two loving consenting adults. She followed this sage wisdom with the revelation that she and my Father still enjoyed a healthy sex life. Well, that was the icing on the cake, the tip of the iceberg, the last straw. I stood up, said thanks for the talk and ran out the door.

Eurgh, that was the last thing I wanted to hear! As I relived this traumatic event tonight, I resolved not to make the same mistake as my mother did and not over-share with my eleven year old son!

All the while I have to admit that I had to fight my good and bad angels on my shoulder. The good one reminding me that this talk was important and that this would shape his perception for years to come. Reminding me that I had to reinforce that he was safe here, that he could come to me anytime with his questions and that we must have an open and honest relationship. The bad one cashing in on how serious the topic was an how frightened I am of it when it comes to A. I felt the urge to say things like "if you touch it you'll go blind!" and "the legal age limit for someone to have sex is 29!".

I knew that there is no room for grey areas and that I had to be frank, very black and white. I would have to be very careful with his understanding as he attends a Catholic school and a bit of an old fashioned one at that. They have strict views on pro-life or at any road, their church has and so the mind boggles as to what is glossed over and what is accentuated.

So when he eventually came home I was ready or least as ready as I would ever be. I had cleary forgotten to suspend my expectations of what he would come out with. I didn't know and couldn't guess how his brain would process this information from today.

The first thing he said was "Aw Mum, it was really disgusting but I guess you get used to it, don't you! Just like you and Dad..."

WOBBLE... Shit, this was to be harder than I thought. We talked briefly about what had been discussed and he assured me that he had no questions today but would have some tomorrow after they had watched the rest of the video. I'm biding my time until then...

Oh joy!

What would you say?


  1. Oh dear god... I'm dreading this conversation with the boys! >_< Hopefully you can give me some tips when it's my turn! ;) x

  2. Such a coincidence reading your post. I had just been talking about this with my husband this evening. I don't know whether to put my son right before he hears from others or wait until he brings it up.

  3. @ Marylin: Run away! Lol. xx

    @MOAT (!): A is now hearing plenty of nonsense from his mates. One of the great things about ASD is that the kids are blunt and run home to tell you all! Thanks for commenting! xx


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