Monday, 1 August 2011

Cooling Off.

My blog is becoming all ranty and shouty and frustrated again as I ponder the world I inhabit. I occasionally ponder things that bug me and I think unconsciously I use this blog as my outlet hoping that someone will give me an answer, a new perspective on any given issue but sadly these have yet to come.



Perhaps it's because I have been classified as a parent blogger, that people expect me to blog out pee and poo. I'm not a first time mum and although I am in constant awe of Miss B and drink in every second being with her as I do being with her brother, I find it hard to write about the little things like teeth and pee and poo as this is not the first time I am experiencing it. Also because of A's autism I am living in constant fear at the moment of Miss B's development. That may make me a nutcase but then so be it. We have been visiting the hospital with B to discuss her poo (cue separate mummy blogger post on poo, I may be a parent blogger after all...) and I raised A's autism and how I am concerned about B's development. I felt like an absolute fool, a paranoid nutter. I am so fed up of people telling me not to worry. I do worry and I have every right to worry given past experiences. They said it would be okay the first time and it wasn't. The consultant thankfully saw my point and is keeping an eye on her.



This is making me tense. I'm waiting on a bomb that may or may not explode. I may get burned again or I may not. In light of this I do not want to bask in her developmental milestones, assuming that any hubris will cause my (and her) untimely demise. So I distract myself. I talk about gender, I talk about social stereotypes and I ponder and I never really get anywhere.



And so in a completely different note I thought I would start posting very abstract things to see what response I get. Perhaps I need a new niche, perhaps I need to pimp myself out again. I don't know. I like life and while it can give lemons, (I am currently salting mine to preserve then for a gloriously rich tagine) it can bring with it so many wondrous and beautiful things. I get so moved sometimes by the beauty of it all as much as I become enraged by the ugliness of it all.

Time to refocus myself.

I had a wonderful experience a few weeks ago. I love music and go to gigs or events as much as I can but an impromptu babysitting offer (we rarely have babysitters, ever!) led me to find a very low key gig, in a tiny venue in Edinburgh. I watched the main act's latest song on Youtube and thought that sounds alright so we invited some our very good friends. So a sedate evening sampling ales in a new pub led onto this gig. Virtually empty, we waited for the support act. I realised that I hadn't bothered to research this guy and so when he took to the stage I was a little apprehensive being the organiser of this night out and therefore being responsible for the events that would unfold. I can't really describe what happened next but I will try. What we witnessed and the music we heard was just mind blowing. We did not move except for to refill out drinks for the next three hours. We felt every emotion, laughed every laugh we could and walked out stunned, knowing that as simple as the music, as the venue and the numbers of company were that we shared something really special. Both guys walked on to the stage with only a guitar each and I have rarely felt such power in music. We hadn't moved for hours, were stone cold sober and speechless.

So I would like to share some of the tunes we experienced that night. Grab yourself a tea or a coffee or something stronger if you're that way inclined and have a listen. The First guy is Jim Bianco. I have previously said to OD that the only man I would every leave him for would be Paul Rodgers from Free. While I still would, if Jim were to turn up too then I would be in a serious quandary! The second guy is Brian Wright. Brain tours the UK on his own but back home in Texas he sings with a band, the Waco Tragedies.

Enjoy.





2 comments:

  1. Know exactly where you're coming from with your worries for your daughter's development. I'm exactly the same with Tiddler. He's doing amazingly well with his speech but his behaviour leaves a lot to be desired and is downright weird quite often. I think I've got my new health visitor on board with my concerns and she's doing extra reviews of him just to be on the safe side. I'll never listen to anyone telling me 'don't worry' as I had over 2 years of that with Nipper and now we find out that he has a whole raft of things going on (autism, sensory problems, language processing problem, visual problem, and possibly add/adhd too!)
    Do carry on having a bit of a rant. I like to know what people think and feel about stuff and it's much more interesting than the usual mummy blogging stuff! Been out of blogging for a while - I'm struggling to find the time, but when I have got time I always pop by to see what's going on at 'oh mammy'!

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  2. Tilly, you always know the right thing to say. The huge gap makes it hard to tell if A was like her when he was her age. I guess time will tell. There's always something going on at Oh Mammy!

    Will pop by your blog soon to see how those lovely little ones are doing.

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Thanks for taking the time to comment!