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Are there too many blogs in the world?
I'm having a bit of a crisis of confidence in my blog and the act of blogging and my part in all of this. This crisis was prompted by me actually engaging in what all good bloggers are supposed to do, which is reading other people's blogs. For the lay person, one of the tricks of getting increased exposure for your own blog is to read other blogger's blogs. I actively engaged in an act has now thrown a massive cloud of doubt over this thing that I do, occasionally, in what little spare time I have.
I started blogging two years ago as an outlet for my thoughts whilst being at home with a new baby. Now, before you start, I love my kids but I had just finished six years of University where I engaged in reasoned, evidence based debates on a daily basis. Now I was spending my day wondering if my nipples looked redder than the day before and examining the colour of Boo's poo for potential threats. They are awesome little people and bring me all the joy in the world. I find my kids utterly fascinating, I plaster my Facebook with pictures of my kids and bore the arse off of anyone I meet who will listen to me about my kids. Saying that, I am also completely aware of the fact that other people will not find my kids as fascinating as I do. I also fail to find other people's children fascinating. There are the odd exceptions but it is strange being a parent blogger who doesn't read other parent blogs!
On this blog, I write whatever comes into my head and never really think about it being read by a stranger, or by a family member or someone knowledgeable about things and universes and microcosms. I am essentially writing a thought diary and publishing it online for all the world to see and suddenly I am feeling very foolish. There is a part of me which wants people to engage with my thoughts and I want them to say "don't be so silly" or "have you considered looking at it from this angle?". There is a part of me that wants people to agree with me and to get infuriated by the things that frustrate me so we can all sit about in our dressing gowns and slippers and shake our fists at the world before switching our attention to what's on TV tonight. But there is also a bigger part of me that gets incredibly embarrassed by the rambling, incoherent thoughts that spring forth from my fingertips for the delectation of all who possess internet access.
I write on the hoof. My posts are rarely premeditated, rarely contain thoughtful deliberations nor any great insight into the world. Sometimes, I don't really care. Blogging keeps me sane, it helps me function in a world that frustrates me. Lately though, I have been caring. Lately I have become aware of the wider blogging world which I am a part of and pondering the validity of it all. I am pondering what purpose this blog has and why I bother even writing it. There are plenty of blogs that are cutesy and funny but I have yet to find any with any real research or any real depth of thought that makes me want to devour it. This week, this is worrying me. Next week, I may go back to not caring much about it but this week it is worrying me.
I baulk at the fact that when someone signs up to a weblog platform, suddenly you are given license to unleash yourself upon the world. Unleashing yourself means unleashing your thoughts, your feelings, your biases, your personality and all its defects upon an audience. I am the first in line in respecting everyones right to express themselves, but whatever happened to keeping private diaries? Put a lock on it, keep it under your pillow. Write in pen, doodle in the margins. Use lots of exclamation marks!!! Write, do it, write, til your hand aches, til your heart is empty, get it all out. Lost love, fantasies and dreams, hatreds of your parents, of the unjust global political order, of your zombie work colleagues. But keep it to yourself. I think this of other people but I am guilty of this too and perhaps here I am just feeling the guilt for those bloggers and networkers around me who really should be feeling it too.
I am a member of several online network for parents who have kids with special needs. One of the main purposes of these networks is to share experiences, give advice, share research or anything of interest to parents who are living a similar life to you. The trouble is, that like writing a blog, you give someone a keyboard and they suddenly think that they have license to write whatever they like without really considering the implications of the power of their words. I recently engaged in a debate on a network where one of it's co-ordinators who has a child with autism started banging on about the dangers of vaccinations, about how (without a shred of medical knowledge, fact or evidence) that the MMR had ruined their child and left it disabled for life. Cue 40 other women saying "yeah, the big medical companies discredited the findings so they could make millions" and so on and so forth. The whole debate spiralled and really was just the biggest pile of scaremongering nonsense I had read in a while. Whether or not this person really believed that the MMR had irreparably damaged her child, she was in a position of authority and had a duty and a responsibility for policing such nonsense on her site. She let it snowball and by the time this group of women were done, anyone watching this who even had an inkling of doubt about the vaccine were out in force with their burning torches and pitchforks. I left the network sickened by what I had just witnessed.
I am starting to feel the same about blogging. Recently, I've been reading quite a few blogs across all sorts of blogging genres. I am a sucker for a sexy byline promising me laughs, tears and the world. I'm usually left disappointed by their content, their writing and some of the unlicensed opinions put out there for all to see. To be in the game, you have to play the game and that is what all of this is reduced to, a game. One where you have to keep up the momentum of posting in order to make your stats look healthy and so the content suffers. A game where unelected representatives speak in your name. A game that gives unknown people positions of authority because they have copious amounts of time to sit on front of a computer. I have met many good, intelligent people through blogging but I have also met as many manipulative, horrible individuals who, of I were to meet them in real life, I would avoid like the plague. Being a 'parent blogger' lumps you in with those individuals who possess no skills other than those of being able to manipulate the game. Now, it's none of the people that I interact with on this blog or through Facebook so this isn't an attack. It's just a general malaise about the activity of blogging. Indeed, David Mitchell this month in the Guardian questioned the freedom of writing comments, reviews and opinions and publishing them on the web. This is especially relevant when there is no ownership attached to those comments or opinions:
When you read a bit of graffiti that says something like "Blair is a liar", you don't take it as fact. You may, independently, have concluded that it is fact. But you don't think that the graffiti has provided that information. It is merely evidence that someone, when in possession of a spray can, wished to assert their belief in the millionaire former premier's mendacity. It is unsubstantiated, anonymous opinion. We understand that instinctively. We need to start routinely applying those instincts to the web.
If you have time and you're feeling as sceptical as me about blogs then read this hilarious critique of blogging. It's an eye opener and for those days when you don't really believe that the world has a duty to read every thought that comes into your head, it speaks volumes of truth. This is particularly wonderful and indeed sums up exactly how I am feeling at the moment. The writer proposes that at least once a month every self-published blogger should write a Statement of Audience to facilitate their understanding of the universe and the importance of their writing. I would like to share this now.
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I realize that nothing I say matters to anyone else on the entire planet.
My opinions are useless and unfocused. I am an expert in nothing. I know nothing. I am confused about almost everything. I cannot, as an individual, ever possibly know everything, or even enough to make editorial commentary on the vast vast majority of things that exist in my world. This is a stupid document; it is meaningless drivel that I do not expect any of the several billion people on my planet to actually read. People who do read my rambling, incoherent dumbfuckery are probably just as confused as I am, if not moreso, as they are looking to my sorry ass for an opinion when they should be outside playing Frisbee with their dog or screwing their life partner or getting a dog or getting a life partner. Anyone who actually takes the time to read my bullshit probably deserves to ingest my fucked up and obviously mistaken opinions on whatever it is that I have written about.
I'm not sure what the future for this blog might be and I'm off to have a think about it. Thank you to everyone who has read it, laughed at it and cooed at photos of my kids. I hope that just one or two of you raised a smile or learned something about autism along the way. Thank you from the bottom of my weary heart.
Wouldn't the Terminator have been a very, very different movie, if Arnie has said "I might be back..."?
20 comments:
Oh Fran.
I think one of the great things about blogging is the networks and the connections we make as bloggers.
I think one of the really bad things about blogging is the networks and the connections we make as bloggers. Sometimes we overthink, and over analyse.
To me, blogging is a hobby. Yes I blog for charity, yes I blog to raise awareness, but at the end of the day (and I hate that saying) blogging is my knitting or cross stitch or painting, it's a hobby.
Does it matter if one day I blog something deep and meaningful and the next day its nonsense? Um....no. I do strongly believe that if I am blogging about something medical which I do from time to time, I preface it with a disclaimer and provide my links, but I am not writing essays.
I do hope you don't leave us.
Fran, I for one love reading your blog - as adults we are free to make up our own minds whether someone is worth reading or not. Your experience might just be the thing someone is looking for. I have sent people over to your blog whose child has just been diagnosed with high functioning autism. The fact you write about your son who copes in mainstream school gives them some hope.
I also enjoy your sense of humour, very warped at times lol - but funny.
I hope you don't stop writing as I will miss your observations.
NO No No No No...do not give up because of a few people commenting on one post that at the end of the day is just really a needle in a haystack - one post out of tens of thousands that day.
You have a great blog, that is your hobby, but people find blogs like yours for various reasons, but Im sure a lot read it to gain support and inspiration from your experiences and that at the end of the day is why a lot of us read and contribute to blogs.
Please give yourself time to think about your decision before making it final, as you will be missed by a lot of us, but its your decision and I respect that.
See the bit where you said your blog kept you sane, go back to that. It's easy to get brain melt with the hugeness - and sheer dumbfuckery of blogland - just do your thing for you. That your blog is entertaining and well written is a bit of a bonus for the rest of us.
I think as a blogger we do question what are we doing, whats the purpose of a blog. I know at Christmas I was all set to delete mine, we seem to hit a wall. Don't give up if you love it carry on.
I love your blog i like the way you look at situations xx
I started my blog to quieten the voices in my head! An online diary. Cheaper than therapy. I write my blog for me. Sometimes my head is filled with so much that I can't say without having a meltdown, bursting into tears or just simply babbling. I write my blog for me. You should write yours for you. Thats your purpose. If along the way someone reads it and likes it and you have accidently educated them about something then thats an added bonus. Of course there are some arsewipes in blogland but there are some really great people who can be a huge support. Deleting your blog would be a loss to the blogging community. xxx
I started my blog to fill an unemployment-shaped hole and I soon became addicted to blogging-as-therapy and I'm delighted that some other people seem to like what I write. When I started I followed a number of blogs that I really related to for a number of reasons, but most were like on-line diaries so you felt as though you got to know each family and cared about what happened next. Sadly most of them have now stopped blogging. Now it seems that every blogger has to have an opinion, but as you say, many are not very original, and if you express an opposing opinion to the general consensus you can be torn to pieces. It's happened to me. Sometimes I take a break from blogging (always shorter than I intend it to be) when I feel I am being sucked in too much or when I feel I am just writing and publishing because my daily visits have gone down. Really I want to write only when there is a story in my head that I just have to write down. I get the impression that you blog for similar reasons. Take a break if you need to perhaps, but please come back x
I started blogging over a year ago as I was really missing work when on Maternity Leave and struggling to come to terms with that fact that motherhood wasn't quite as rosy as I thought it would be. I've since been sucked into the black hole of doom where blogging is concerned. I've witnessed bullying, intimidation and down right nastiness within the parent blogging community (not directed at me but at other bloggers and I have witnessed such things).
I have since started focusing on my blog as a record of my little one's life. It's great to look back over the past year and see how things have changed. I publish it publicly because I like the fact that people read it and find something in it for them. I'm not referring to the people who visit loads of blogs and comment just to build their audience but the bloggers who visit on and off and leave valuable feedback and who I build a genuine friendship with. I flit in and out of your blog but I keep returning because I like you're sense of humour and the way you look at the world interests me. x
My own blogs gone from a blog about my kids to me now not wanting to be pigeon-holed as a mummy blogger. There's some shit that goes down every now and then in blogland but it's just like life, shit does happen.
Whenever I see or read something that makes me question blogging I just sit back and look at the bigger picture. It's a tiny smear of poop on an otherwise lovely scene. It's just a very crowded scene. I am told it's competitive, luckily for me I'm not a competitive person but I can imagine that for those who are it could lead to nastiness and the upset of others,
It's such a personal thing, a blog, that it's easy for people to get upset, angry and to type without thinking things through properly.
I hope you don't give up blogging x
People, are naturally nosie, hence! reading blogs that enter the world of others become uniquely interesting, very similar to soaps and big brother but much less boring. Thoughts and feelings are something (for men) rarely shared so reading others distracts from ones own, healthy/unhealthy, you decide. Blogging (in your case) is very similar to free association which is highly therapeutic, spend some time reading your own blog, especially the parts that make little sense (the ramblings) and you'll find your answers.
Like many of the other readers below, I began writing when I was at home, on maternity leave. Even prior to being a mom a few friends tried to get me to blog, because I used to be out and about and they liked the way I got around and described my experience. I've since learnt that contrary to what some people may think we do matter and our opinions are important, if we didn't there would not be bloggers making a living off what they write and even for those of us who don't make a living there are brands who believe in us enough to ask us to review their products perhaps because its cheaper but also because other moms (shoppers) read and value our opinions. From the power of our words we can sway opinions and decisions.
Be true to yourself write about what matters to you because there will always some someone else out there feeling the same thing who may not have found his/her voice, yet. If you make a difference in one person's life from your words that's a great achievement.
Thanks Jonty! I agree that I use this corner of cyberspace in a similar fashion too. x
I'm back. A lot of what you say rings true and I've resolved not to let it get to me. Thanks for your support. xx
Thanks Wendy. I hope you get well soon. thinking of you. xx
Hmm...I do agree that the opinions that bloggers express in their writing is important but it is only as important as the depth of the readership. if you have 3000 other Mummy bloggers following you, agreeing with you and giving you a virtual slap on the back, then it's all a bit insular and pointless. PR companies rub their hands with glee at all of the free advertising Middle Class suburban housewives give them. I am sick of people building up a following of poor unsuspecting readers only to have their readers bombarded with nonsense and posts written with very little thought put into them. Thanks for commenting. xx
Thanks for commenting Annie! It's ridiculous that every time women gather in groups be it in real life or in cyber space, that it turns into a cliquey squabble. I can't be arsed with it or them and so I'm out of it. xxx
Lol, thanks Claire! My world view is a bit skewiffy at times! xxx
Thanks Ellen. I have a feeling that I need to read your book... xx
Thanks Elaine. Your support has always meant so much to me. I'm back and ready to embrace it again and bore the arse off you all with my ramblings. xx
Thanks Kathy! I hope that my attempts at articulating what we've been through does make a difference for someone.
I'll keep the funnies coming. xx
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